Content warning: mention of rape, rape fantasy

“I don’t want to want that. My fantasy is something I’m trying to escape from, not sink down into. If I try this and hate it, that would be beyond horrible. It might be as traumatic as a real rape, and I would have walked right into it. That’s not what scares me, though. What scares me is that I’ll try it and love it. Maybe I really am that fucked up.”

Graduate student Vivienne Charles is afraid of her own desires—ashamed to admit that she fantasizes about being taken by force, by a man who will claim her completely and without mercy. When the magnetic, mysterious Jonah Marks learns her secret, he makes an offer that stuns her: they will remain near-strangers to each other, and meet in secret so that he can fulfill her fantasy.

I first found out about Asking For It by Lilah Pace at Romance Novels for Feminists a good half year ago and have both been incredibly curious and reluctant to give it a try ever since. Why the ambivalent feelings, you ask? Well. I’ve read a few romance books and unfortunately quite a few of them (especially contemporary romance books) miss something that I need to make reading romance enjoyable for me: consent.

Now, one might be tempted to call it irony, but Asking For It, which deals with rape and fantasies about being raped, doesn’t have that issue. Throughout the book the interactions between the main character, Vivienne, and Jonah, her sexual partner, stay wonderfully consensual. Sure, they might not always be aware of each other’s boundaries but they communicate and figure out how to go about things — together.

It’s one of the reasons why I seriously enjoyed reading this book and why I couldn’t put it down. I don’t think I’ve ever read a romance / erotica book as fast as I did this one. It was simply too interesting to stop, and I’m very pleased about how the author handled a subject that is still considered somewhat of a taboo. Even among feminists talking openly about rape fantasies still seems a hard thing to do, where women get shamed and criticized for having these desires, up to a point where it’s said that any woman indulging in them is promoting violence against women and strengthening the patriarchy.

As you might suspect, I don’t agree with that view point. I never have, and I never will. I do think there is plenty to discuss as to why such fantasies exist and in what ways we can and should talk about them. Asking For It delivers in that regard as well: Throughout the book Vivienne, who is a rape survivor, goes to therapy to talk about her trauma, her rape fantasies and her decision to act them out with Jonah, who (mostly) remains a stranger to her for a good portion of the story. The conversations with her therapist are done well enough to shed some light on many topics, such as Vivienne’s shame about her rape fantasies, her trauma concerning her rape, her fear of it happening again. Another reason why I appreciate this book more than I thought I ever could.

Now, is the book perfect? Probably not, but for me it comes pretty damn close. Sure, it doesn’t answer all the questions — it doesn’t even ask all of them — but I think it gets the job done by coming out of the dark and starting a conversation.

In a way, and yes, you may laugh here, Asking For It gave me what I hoped Fifty Shades of Grey was going to be when I oh so naively got excited by a friend’s recommendation way back when. It talks about sexual fantasies that are either considered taboo or terribly misunderstood and stigmatized, or both. It talks about trust, and how trust always, always becomes a part of it if done right.

All in all, I can’t wait for the sequel Begging For It to become available in the library, and I can only hope that other authors come out of the woodwork to talk more openly about the type of topics that are still considered taboo and/or shameful.

Rating: 5/5 stars
Recommended for: feminists, people who enjoy dark erotica / romance

Feel free to join us next week when Rosey and I are back together to discuss Caraval by Stephanie Garber.